Is it really so bad to be the "BLACK SHEEP"?

Far too many people are still bullied, looked at askance from the side or talked about badly behind their backs. But at what point are people considered "different" and why is this a very good thing? I have asked various people with such experiences and have also thought about this topic myself.

First of all, differences must be drawn here (in the vast majority of cases) between school and private relationships.

Many people feel very pressured at school, especially at a young age, and therefore behave very tense. In addition, there is the direct comparison to classmates. Perfectionists always want to be the best and get the best grades. Under this enormous pressure, many disguise their character. Furthermore, they are forced into a role that they do not really fit into and may be afraid of failing or doing something wrong. For example, a person who is usually very psyched has already had bad experiences in the past with showing his real nature. He was subsequently bullied and laughed at, which has led to this person becoming a very quiet character at school.

The situation is different in private relationships. Some people would say that one can choose one's private environment and that one shows and presents oneself differently because of this. On the one hand, this may well be true, but there is much more to it. For example, if you compare a party situation with a school situation, you will immediately notice the difference in mood. At a party, people are usually more open, relaxed and in a better mood than at school. Since everyone is here for the same reason - to get away from it all for a bit and not think about obligations - most people also feel more connected to each other at the same time. You feel more accepted at the party and it's easier to socialise afterwards. Even a flamboyant character who often has difficulties at school is more easily accepted in the exuberant party atmosphere of young people. Nevertheless, it can sometimes also happen that you are quickly ostracised at parties if, for example, you don't drink or can't tolerate alcohol. I myself have had negative experiences with this more often, especially at the beginning of my party phase, where I was laughed at because I didn't want to drink or people didn't want to accept it. As a very reserved character, it is probably even more difficult to get through such situations and you can be persuaded more quickly.

As also mentioned in the first point, in early adolescence many people find it difficult to deal with someone who does not fit the norm. For example, they may be very emotionally vulnerable and experience frequent anger attacks or panic attacks, or they may be constantly hyper and have ADHD or autistic traits. Accordingly, such people are in most cases ostracised or exploited as victims of bullying.

But it is not only because of character that some young people stand out more than others. Appearance has also become an enormously important issue nowadays. Here, most of them told me about their past experiences with their outward appearance, which often even led to bullying or ostracism. As twin siblings with red hair, 2 of the interviewees always stood out from the crowd. They talked about bullying at school, stupid comments they had to listen to every day from their classmates and people who constantly looked behind them.

Furthermore, the aspect of being 'different' was often linked to current trends in my survey. When it comes to clothes, most young people are immediately on board with the latest trends and literally go with the flow. Those who don't wear the latest belly-free tops or the latest flared trousers or, as a boy, the latest brand-name jumper, are labelled as "uncool" by their own circle of friends or by other classmates or at least stand out a lot. Social media is also of great importance in this case. Girls in particular often compare themselves with the "influencers" who set the trends and imitate them directly.

Despite all the negative aspects mentioned above, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a "black sheep". Always keep in mind that it is not a disease, but see it as a positive quality that makes you a unique and special character. By being different, you individualise yourself and appear interesting as a person. In the course of your youthful development you have to realise that in order to keep and maintain contacts it is only your competences and your character that matter and not your outward appearance (here I mean in the sense of the clothes you wear or the colour of your hair etc.). I can assure you that you will grow through such negative experiences and eventually accept being different. Then, at the latest, people will come to recognise your special value and will be able to empathise with you.

For all those who felt addressed by the article, stay true to yourself and always be aware that it is good to be the "black sheep".

For everyone else, before you get to know someone (especially at a young age, when many are still very vulnerable), don't be prejudiced and don't pigeonhole anyone.

January, 2021